Throw me to the wolves (and I'll return leading the pack)
by Hannahmayski
Summary: For the first time, in a long, long time Shisui finds his hands shake and he can't stop the tears. For the first time in a long time, Shisui wonders if he'll be able to get back up after this. Itachi is dead. (Peace is a complicated thing, but Shisui will find it, even if he has to tear himself apart to get there.) Uchiha Week Day 1


**Full Summary: It's not like this the first time someone Shisui cares about has died.**

 **It's not the first time that Shisui has watched it all play out and realised that there is nothing he can do to stop it.**

 **It's not the first time that Shisui has felt the sticky, drying blood on his hands of the people he loves.**

 **But for the first time, in a long, long time Shisui finds his hands shake and he can't stop the tears.**

 **For the first time in a long time, Shisui wonders if he'll be able to get back up after this.**

 **Itachi is dead.**

 **(Peace is a complicated thing, but Shisui will find it, even if he has to tear himself apart to get there.)**

 **For Uchiha Week 2018, Day 1**

 **Prompt: I mourn your absence/ Cure for a broken heart/ Regrets**

* * *

It's not like this the first time someone Shisui cares about has died.

It's not the first time that Shisui has watched it all play out and realised that there is nothing he can do to stop it.

It's not the first time that Shisui has felt the sticky, drying blood on his hands of the people he loves.

But for the first time, in a long, long time Shisui finds his hands shake and he can't stop the tears.

For the first time in a long time, Shisui wonders if he'll be able to get back up after this.

Itachi is dead.

Itachi is _dead._

The jar containing Itachi's eyes is clenched in his hand and the tears are cold on Shisui's face.

He takes a breath and knows there was no other option. Shisui's wracked his own mind for hours and hours. Desperately tried to find options to stop the coup and stop a civil war but there was more at play here than Shisui realised.

Danzou wants the Uchiha gone. And Itachi was close, so close to stopping his plan in its tracks but they'd both underestimated what Danzou would do to win. Now Shisui is alone. Now Shisui is alone, a civil war still on the brink of sending Konoha into a downward spiral, made only worse by the death of Itachi Uchiha.

The Sandaime has done nothing to help.

The tears dry on Shisui's face and he can only feel anger. He can only feel frustration and sadness because his only friend is dead and everything is so much worse.

This time, Shisui isn't sure he'll be able to pull himself back together.

(But he will. He always has and always will. Shisui has never been good at staying broken, no matter how much he wants to let himself fall apart sometimes, no matter how much he wants to lay down and never get back up sometimes, he'll always stitch the pieces back together.)

Shisui's own left eye is missing, now firmly in Danzou's grasp and if only Shisui had pulled himself from the dirt quicker, fought off Danzou's men a little faster and gotten to Itachi a little quicker then maybe he'd still be alive.

But it didn't work, and now Shisui is alone.

Shisui has Itachi's eyes with their newly awakened Mangekyo Sharingan staring back at him and isn't _that_ irony. Itachi awakened the Mangekyo before he died, and that's the only good thing Shisui has gotten out of the situation.

Every single part of Shisui aches and he doesn't want this.

He doesn't want to fight without Itachi.

But Itachi is dead, and Shisui is alone.

He lets his head fall forward until it touches his folded knees on the ground and he cries. He lets the tears turn in to sobs until he cannot cry anymore.

Shisui's chest writhes with sadness so much that he feels nauseous.

* * *

Shisui has new eyes, a new grave at the memorial yard to visit and a burning inferno of anger bubbling deep in his stomach.

There's nothing more Shisui wants more than to tear Danzou limb from limb. Shisui wants to tear his arms from his body, he wants to wrap his hands around Danzou's neck and squeeze until that light in his eyes go out because this is all Danzou's doing.

Danzou's soldiers killed Itachi on his orders.

And Shisui will kill Danzou, even if he has to tear himself apart to do it.

Itachi has _\- had -_ always been the one to quietly follow orders to the best of his ability even if he hated every second of it, even if it was killing him.

Shisui's always been able to put that distance between himself and his orders. Feel nothing and get on with it, and even though Shisui has always longed for peace more than anything else he has ever wanted, he has never been able to hate the violence as much as Itachi had.

Itachi would've never thrown a punch in his entire life if he had the choice. But Shisui has never minded it as much. He hates that about himself. He should detest the killing, the lies and the constant deceit but Shisui doesn't feel anything about it.

Shisui won't lose a minute of sleep over this, and he hates that he won't.

Shisui looks at the man in the mask, and doubts this man is who he claims to be. But using a name like Madara Uchiha's is a strategic move. Risky, but playing the cards right could land this man in a lot of the places he needs to be.

"I want Danzou dead," Shisui says.

Madara tilts his head, wild, wiry hair flopping to the side. "With your eyes, I would've thought you could handle it yourself."

Shisui probably could. He has the Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan and enough rage in him that he doubts anything could stop him.

Shisui shrugs. "I need to keep my slate clean, "

Madara lets out a chuckle, although there is no humour behind it. "I think it's already as dirty as mine."

Silence descends upon them and Shisui knows he's probably right.

"Why stay?" he asks, his voice is rough and tired but welcoming. "Why stay in the place that you only gave your undying loyalty too that repaid you by stabbing you in the back?" he takes a step closer and Shisui refuses to move.

"Why stay in the place that killed your best friend and hurt you so much? You gave your _heart_ to them and Konoha only spat on it," Madara speaks with years of personal pain on his shoulders and the amount of anger that Shisui can feel, he honestly thinks he can match it.

"You want to protect the village, but isn't the village the people? And the people keep dying, so who are you really trying to protect?"

Shisui doesn't react at that admission, but it strikes something in his heart all the same. People keep dying around him, and it's not going to stop unless… unless Shisui dies himself, or he leaves.

Shisui wants to say he didn't consider leaving, he wants to say he would never leave the village but at every turn all he can see is Itachi. He can only think of Itachi, the things they've done together, how much Shisui loved him, how much he misses him, and every minute longer in Konoha hurts him a little more. Every second he spends here he can feel his heart falling to pieces.

He wants to say he would never do something like this, but here he is, doing exactly that.

"And become a missing-nin? Then what?"

"You don't have to," the man says, leaning against the tree. "You're smart, you'll figure something out, I know it. If anyone can disappear off the face of the earth it's you."

Shisui has had a dozen different plans how he could disappear since he decided to meet with this man. He could do it. He's not sure how Madara knows so much about him, but anyone who goes around calling themselves that should be taken seriously.

Madara sighs and looks at him. Shisui can make out the glint of an eye through the solitary hole in the mask. "I need Danzou dead anyway. I'll help you on one condition," he says and Shisui already knows what it's going to be. He doesn't hate it quite as much as he should.

"Leave the village. I don't care how you do it. Leave, and help me with my goal of peace."

And isn't that ironic.

Shisui looks back at the village that he swore he would protect on his life and that loyalty doesn't waver. But he wasn't able to help from the inside. He's been trying to protect the village for so long, lost so many people and he's tired. He'd become so numb to all the death, up until Itachi's death he'd forgotten how to feel.

Shisui had barrelled forward, desperate for a goal he could never achieve with how he was going about it, bending over backwards for a man who only let him down.

"Fine," Shisui says. His chest feels like a burnt out hollow, Itachi's death had been the blow that broke something inside of him that he doesn't think will ever be fixed.

Anger is what's burning him through and through, making everything a little easier to bear with because he was hurt, and anger tells him he can make the bastards who did this hurt just as much.

But it's the guilt that stings and stings and it's what makes Shisui want to run. The notion that there is possibly something he could have done to stop Itachi's death if he had only noticed what Danzou was planning, that the Sandaime should have been playing a bigger role makes him feel sick.

Shisui hurts in all the ways he's been trying to ignore for years, covering it up with easy smiles, simple laughs and a friendly attitude. Even Shisui had forgotten he was hurting.

"Wonderful," Madara says. He takes a step forward and places one hand on Shisui's shoulder and gestures to the village with the other. "Shall we?"

Shisui pastes an easy smile on his face that's never felt faker, bursts Itachi's Mangekyo into action and stares into Madara's only eye. "After you. I have some things I need to organise first."

Madara merely shrugs. "I'll meet you in the village then."

Shisui nods and shunshins away and wonders who's behind the mask. Madara says he will meet Shisui in the village, meaning that the sensors won't detect him as an intruder, which means Madara had once been a Konoha-nin. They didn't have the sensory technology they have now back in Madara's day, and each chakra signature has to be registered as to not set off the alarms.

Whoever it is, they're playing a risky game, but Shisui is too, he supposes.

* * *

Against two Mangekyo Sharingan users who have enough anger and hatred boiling inside them to want to rip Danzou to shreds a million times over, the fight ends quickly and quietly.

Danzou is dead and Shisui wants it to feel like some sort of victory, but he's been a shinobi long enough to know revenge doesn't work like that.

The hole in his chest aches. Danzou is dead, but so is Itachi.

Shisui steps over the body and walks past Madara. Everything is set. By everyone else's accounts, Shisui Uchiha killed himself. He set it up to look just like it.

Madara meanders up to him, a dangerously confident air about him. Many of the Uchiha believe that Shisui is the strongest Uchiha since Madara himself, and that was before Shisui got Itachi's eyes. Shisui doesn't know if he could _win_ against Madara, but he's absolutely sure he can give him a lot trouble should he try to attack.

"So," Madara says. "It's a strange feeling isn't it?"

Shisui says nothing, closing his eyes for a moment and waits for Madara to elaborate.

"The feeling of everyone believing you are dead, when you are still very much alive."

Shisui listens to the voice and feels familiarity strike him at his core. He knows that voice. Knows it from somewhere and yet he can't place it.

He opens his eyes and considers Madara's thoughts.

It's not fair on Sasuke to lose his older brother who he admired so much, and then lose his older brother's best friend and to suicide no less.

It's not particularly fair on the Uchiha in any way, but Shisui needs to help, and it's been made more than clear that Shisui can't do that from working in Konoha.

People will shed tears, curse his name for such a dishonourable death and wonder what pushed Shisui Uchiha to the edge. If it was the death of his best friend or something else entirely?

It is a strange feeling.

Shisui shrugs and looks up into the darkening sky, the wind brushes against his bare forehead and his belongings – not that there is much – is slung over his back and Shisui doesn't want to leave. He wants to play with Sasuke and make sure he grows up a strong shinobi, he wants to see Mikoto smile and he wants to see out his career as a shinobi in the village and die an honourable death.

But the life of a shinobi is never a pleasant one, and Shisui knows that a shinobi must work from the shadows, out of the spotlight, forever forgotten if they are to achieve what they want.

"I need to get out of here," Shisui says as a reply and Madara hums in agreeance. Shisui shunshins to the outside of Konoha and Madara materialises a second later, his head tilted in amusement.

"We can end this suffering, Shisui," he says as they start walking away from the village.

Shisui smiles and it feels almost hysteric on Shisui's face, but he can't find it in him to care. "You want me to join you, but how can I possibly trust a man who goes by a fake name?" Shisui asks and maybe you wouldn't be able to tell without the sharingan that something isn't quite right, but there is something that Shisui recognises in that voice.

Silence descends on them, only the soft crunch of leaf litter beneath their feet can be heard and Shisui wonders if he'll say anything.

Shisui technically promised he'd join Madara on whatever plan he had, but Shisui's strong enough to stand up and question him, and the silence tells Shisui that Madara is aware of it.

Madara sighs and focuses his gaze back ahead. "You already know I'm not who I am. You're too observant for your own good."

Shisui says nothing. He wants an answer, and Madara is just stalling for time.

He slowly reaches up to the mask and removes it, sending wild hair spiralling around his face and he doesn't slow his pace even as he turns his head to face him.

Thick scars along with slightly discoloured skin mar the right side of his face and his left eye is missing.

"Obito…" Shisui breathes out and he can't stop the look of shock that dances across his face before he is able to school his features.

Obito used to _babysit_ him.

There's so much _anger_ and _pain_ radiating off of him that it takes a conscious effort for Shisui not to visibly react. There is suffering sewn deep into his bones that seems to deeply intertwined in his soul, nothing will heal it. Much deeper than Shisui's own.

"So," Obito starts and pulls the mask back over his face. "I have a plan to bring _everyone_ happiness and peace. Will you help me, I wonder?"

Shisui presses his lips together and he can't ignore the terrible feeling in his stomach about this plan but maybe this is how he can help. Whatever Obito is planning, Shisui could either help him or stop him.

And plus, Shisui's love for Obito has never wavered after all these years. Obito was the family that Shisui never got, Obito was the first to look at Shisui like a _person_ rather than just a tool, just a force to be reckoned with.

The Obito Shisui had grown to love was so full of compassion and fierce determination, Shisui aspired to be like him. This Obito is different and broken, and really, Shisui is too, but maybe Shisui can fix this.

Maybe Shisui can fix the mess of the human that the world left behind.

Either that, or maybe Shisui can stop him if Obito's plan is too… dangerous.

"Well, I have nothing better to do," Shisui replies.

There's no way this will end well, a part of Shisui thinks. And there's a part of him that wishes that he hadn't _faked_ his death and that he had let himself fall off that cliff. There's a part of him that wants to scream and cry and just let go of every single one of the restraints he keeps on himself and watch the world burn around him.

But, there's also a part of him that wants to cradle everything he loves in his arms and hide them from the word. He also wants to protect Konoha and he wants to see people grow up happy and he wants to be able to smile and feel like he means it.

Obito doesn't say anything, only speeding up his pace and Shisui matches him easily.

He spares a glance in the direction of the place he loves so dearly and hates himself a little more for… for everything.

Shisui failed Itachi. Shisui failed and Itachi died. His whole body aches at the thought and Shisui knows Itachi wouldn't agree with Shisui's choice of action but it's been a long day and a longer life.

Shisui is tired. So, so tired. And if this blows up in his face, well at least Shisui tried.

* * *

 **Maybe Shisui acts as a spy for Konoha, or the other villages in general and gives anonymous tips of the Akatsuki's movements.**

 **Maybe he helps the Akatsuki complete their goal.**

 **Maybe he kills Obito after finding out Madara's plan, in order to throw Madara's plan off.**

 **Who knows**


End file.
